Not to be racist or anything, but Asian people ... We found completely random people and asked them to interpret what she might have been trying to say. Suck? Is that really what she was going to ... But I don't think so. Maybe she said, "Should stop squinting so much," you know. "Asian people are certainly a good race"? That's a very positive spin. Maybe. Salty. That was ... I think that would be kind of racist. What? Salty, like- salty? Soy sauce, you know what I mean? Oh, god, that's on you. That's on you.
I can't do the Chewbacca thing, but that sounded like Chewbacca, not an Asian thing. Asians don't do Chewbacca. Yeah. We're not even hairy. "Asian people stop"? Stop. Stop. Stop what? You know what you do. "So nice." Dude, that's racist. Just by your accent that you put. So nice. So nice. That's racist. You can't do it that way. Asians so nice. Nope. Lucky for us, we don't have to guess, because I hired a team of stereotypical Asian hackers to track her down. Please welcome 15 year old Rachel. Thank you for having me, Daniel. What were you trying to say in that video? I was trying to say that Asian people ... It's about the prettiest time of year, though. It is. I mean, those trees just look so nice and I love getting all those nice colors out there. Speaking of the colors, we have Tyler Wier. Thanks, guys. Uh-oh. That was an honest mistake. Who here hasn't accidentally called one of their coworkers "colored"? In this hypersensitive day and age, it's hard to know who will be offended by what.
So, I came up with a list of brand new terms that have absolutely no racial connotation whatsoever. And to make sure they're safe, I field-tested them with an extremely diverse focus group. It's time for, "Is It Racist?" "Is It Racist?" Thank you, guys, for coming. I would like you just to raise your hand whenever you feel the term I use is offensive. "Cream jockey." Okay. "Water flaps." "Here comes a pack of water flaps. Lock up your dogs." Uh-oh. Now that doesn't sound good.
Too- No, that doesn't sound good. Okay, okay. "Sugar-taster." That's a little offensive. What do you think sugar-taster means? I don't know. I don't know why you think that he tastes sugar. Why do you keep pointing to the black person? That's what I want to know. They- "They"? "Saddle-shins." Saddle-shin? What that mean? "Bunch of stinking saddle-shins." Use in sentence. I just did. That was sentence? Yes. "Clink-clunk." Clink-clunk? Clink-clunk. Hey, we did the railroad and we did all that work, and then you come back to use terms? Okay. It's not directed toward anyone. It's just the word "clink-clunk." Well, I don't like it. It sounds kind of offensive. Okay, okay. This is all good research, guys. Thank you. "Biscuit neck." "God help us if we ever have a biscuit neck in the White House." Why does biscuit neck offend you? I don't know. You shouldn't say that.
You shouldn't say "biscuit neck"? You guys are- I thought it was something against whites. You thought biscuit neck was negative towards whites? Yeah. I appreciate it. "Spoon face." I don't like that. Why? Because. Lots of Asians got round face and they might think you're talking about them. Right. When I think of a spoon, I think concave. You think that's an Asian slam, huh? "Spoon face!" Yeah, because- Spoon face! "Apple picker." Why are you offended by apple picker? Because no one call me an apple picker. What if you were to pick an apple? I'm still not an apple picker. Let me find one that you are ... Which one can I call you? "Hinto"? No. "Water flaps." No. "Gin bird." Nope. "Bucket ducker." No. "Dirty legs." Nah. What about "door donkey"? Hell no. You fine with "10 eyes"? To a degree. "10 eyes" it is. Well, thank you all for your time. You can collect your $10 on your way out. $10? Yeah, you spoon-faced apple picker. Oh.
Because the whole cast is in blackface. Got it. This is our toughest, "Is It Racist?" yet. Are people of color allowed to just change color? I'm just glad it's not white people in blackface for once. Mario Lopez is in this? Oh, shame on you and the people at Extra! Wearing Asian face is bad enough, but then to add blackface on top of it, that's downright inexcusable. So, yes, it's racist. AC Slater is canceled. And that's how you play, "Is It Racist?" "Is It Racist?" Goodnight!
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